We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
