you would pick up someone in the library
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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