I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
