Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
