Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
