please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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