Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
