his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
