New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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