she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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