pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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