It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
