A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize