everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
