he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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