She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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