did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
