3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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