I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
