I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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