Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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