Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
