If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize