I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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