Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
