my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
