it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize