we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My life is pants optional.
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