mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
