I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
