going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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