I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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