Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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