omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
birth control should be required to get into college
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
