hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
