What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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