i love accidental penises.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
