i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
