I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
