My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
