Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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