she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
