In the future we'll all be gay
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize