I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
