I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
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