girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
