dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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