I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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