i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
