I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
