it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
