When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
