this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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