After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize