so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Help. Why am I so naked?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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