I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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