It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
