Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
