just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
