Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i think i just lost a toe
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
