I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
