Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
