That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
