Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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