I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
