apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
