You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
