She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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