i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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