She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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