yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
