I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
