I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
