Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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