Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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