There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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