I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
