Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
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