I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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