why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
