I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
