We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the night ended with taco bell and tears
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
