Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
