Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
