shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
