I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
