I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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