'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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