Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i was born a porn star she said
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
