we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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