I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
