Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
