Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
