Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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