I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
