we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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