they need to just BURY HIM!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
