im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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