apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
