I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
