I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
