I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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