what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
