You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
