so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
