Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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