Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
where does the pee come out of this thing
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
