I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
