I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
