either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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