Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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